As a stylist, blogger and influencer, I have an obsession with being authentic and surrounding myself with authentic people. However sometimes being authentic isn't the cool thing to do. It actually puts me in a vulnerable state 80% of the time.
I have been on a very deep personal soul searching journey the last few months. During this process I have shed layers of friends, clients, and acquaintances due to being "too" authentic. I talk about taboo things, and I'm always a little too open for some. And that's okay. I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me.
But you know what is for everyone, Sex.
I think as women we quickly get labeled as sluts or whores when we talk about sex publicly, instead of being gathered around some chips and guac with our girls privately.
Sex has always been a high on my love languages radar, showing up as personal touch. It's something I need in a relationship to feel wanted. Intimacy is big for me, as it is for most.
I have thought a lot more about sex since I have been separated from my husband the last year. The lack there of really makes you realize how quickly we take it for granted. Something else I have taken for granted over the years is sex with myself.
Yup. I said it, and yup, that's where I am going with this. So get over it, yourself and the stigma that surrounds masturbating in today's world.
I think it's something that is not talked about enough.
I think it's something we as women don't even allow ourselves to explore enough.
I think history, religion, and generations before us have really limited some of our beliefs and created stories that we now tell ourselves about masturbating.
If you ask me it's the only way you are going to discover what YOU like in order to tell a partner.
I am fortunate to currently have a circle of friends whom I feel confident and comfortable talking to about topics like this. In the past I have been surrounded by women who would give me the side eye when the topic would come up, or would swear they never did it (I call BULLSHIT).
I always felt so much shame around these conversations and found myself leaving them feeling a little slutty myself. Like am I not supposed to be doing that? Am I wrong for enjoying it?
I think women are mostly to blame for all the shame and self doubt we cause each other. We all judge others, even if subconsciously. There is a difference between judging and pointing fingers at others and judging and pointing fingers at ourselves, taking ownership for our actions.
It took many years to feel comfortable in my own skin and a lot of self discovery to realize I am worthy of whatever it is my heart desires. Even if that's solo sex some evenings. So I'll be damned if I'm going to let society, mean girls, and a stigma around pleasing myself keep me from doing it, let alone talking about it.
In my blog & podcast Her Mind Matters, I am constantly talking about the unmentionable and I am not going to stop now. Society today needs to bridge the gap making it acceptable to talk about things as simple as masturbation so that it makes it easier and more acceptable to talk about complex issues like mental health. As someone who has suffered from it myself I have now related a lot of my own issues back to not being able to talk about them. I think that's why I'm so open about everything now.
So now that solo sex is on your mind and I have started the conversation I encourage you to continue it with some girlfriends, share this blog if it touches you, and then maybe go touch yourself tonight 😉😉
Above all remember thoughts become things (even the ones we keep to ourselves), so choose your thoughts wisely.
Molly Meek is a hairstylist, podcaster, and blogger living in Columbus, Ohio with her daughter. She runs the Her Mind Matters podcast, releasing new episodes once a week.